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Author Topic: Crack theories  (Read 91137 times)
wainwright-chan
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hrrrgh!


« Reply #25 on: Apr 10, 2007 11:19 am »

crack theory

I know it can't be proven, but...

I think LUten might have had a crush on Ursa :3

oh teh luv
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killerpenguin55
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My icon is irrelevant, but i still like it ^.^


« Reply #26 on: Apr 10, 2007 12:46 pm »

hahahaaha ive been reading this post and its VERY FUNNY! you guys are making this like a bad jerry springer episode: FAMILY SECRET REVEALED! hehe
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Kataang; (n) latin canonous shipous Canon pairing KataraXAang in the show Avatar: The Last Airbender. Destined since episode 1. antonym: see ZUTARA

...the end...<3
umeko
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Diet Otaku, you are indeed brilliant :)


« Reply #27 on: Apr 10, 2007 01:29 pm »

Okay, here's another one: we've been thinking Mai and Zuko had an arranged marriage, right? Well what if we were WRONG! It was actually Zuko and...Ty lee! Yes, our bendy non-bender and Prince McAngsty-Pants were once betrothed to be married! As for Mai...uhhh, she might have had some sort of 'crush', but because she's such a good friend, she never whined about it. And when Zuko was exiled, the betrothal was cancelled, so now Mai finally has a shot at Zuko! And Ty lee doesn't care, she just wants to go back to the circus!

Ahaha!
« Last Edit: Apr 10, 2007 01:31 pm by umeko » Logged


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Sydney
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« Reply #28 on: Apr 10, 2007 01:53 pm »

Okay, crack....hehehe, I love the pun; 'crack' theories...like you know, 'crack'. Like as in drugs.

*crickets*

Anyway, here we go. I have the perfect crack theory. What if Zuko...and Katara fell in love?

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SMBH
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« Reply #29 on: Apr 10, 2007 02:35 pm »

Quote
*bows down to Master Maladin* Though I would also like to keep my "Master" (Mistress?) status as well. After all, I came up with Zhaodburns, Loopitara and Zuny Tail, not to mention Unaangi too, and Momo's previous incarnation (dragonbearkoiostrichduck). That has got to count for something!
Oh please. We are like Pakku and Katara: while you indubitably are a theorybending master, I am The theorybending master. (I kid, I kid. Wink)

I cannot help but notice the defiant tone in your words. I shall have to do something about this. "Master" Maladin, you’d better learn some respect, or I will teach it to you *point with two fingers*

I challenge you to a Crackgni Kai! Grin


Quote
Quote
So, he ends up back in Ba Sing Se, with little memory of what had happened there because it was so long ago, and he hooks up with Ursa and then he becomes Kuei's father... but he is Kuei too.
Ts, ts, ts. Long Feng is Kuei's father, nobody else. Do you want to deny him the only love the fans will ever allow him he will ever have?

No no, you just can't deny the GrandFather Paradox that's happening here with Kuei and Clow Reed. How do you think Clow Reed was able to travel through spacetime into the Avatar Universe to father himself? Because of Koh. That's right. Even though Momo set the gears into motion back when he was a dragonbearkoiostrichduck, he had also enlisted the help of Koh. You see, our favorite creepy centipede is most widely known as "Koh, The Facestealer", but his full name in reality is "Koh, The Face-Stealing, Spacetime-Ripping, Paradox-Inducing Spirit". Momo told Koh to first create a rip in the spacetime continuum so that Clow/Kuei could travel between universes and become his own father.

You seem to be under the impression that Long Feng is Kuei's father. Oh, you could not be more wrong. Long Feng was indeed Ursa's main squeeze at the time, and he did plant his seed on her. However, she suffered a miscarriage before she even knew about her condition. And thus, Clow Reed appears. He is stricken by Ursa's beauty and kindness. They have an affair, and his powerful Eastern and Western magic was able to let their haploid cells merge, and out of this newly diploidy goodness, Kuei was conceived. Upon his birth, everyone thought that Long Feng was his father, because he and Ursa were together and Ursa never told anyone about her affair because she didn't know about it. Ahhhh, you see, Eastern and Western Magic have a powerfull effect on the psyches of the inhabitants of a world where a magicospiritual ability known as bending is present. This results in Ursa not even remembering about her affair with Clow Reed, as well as for Clow forgetting that he fathered Kuei (i.e. himself), because when Kuei abdicates his throne to travel to the Sakura Universe and renames himself Clow Reed, he has crossed the boundary of their two macrocosms. His old nature as a being in a world of bending gets taken over by his new nature as a being in a world of Eastern and Western magic. Thus when he goes back, he has no memory of his previous existence (not to mention the long time that had passed by then, which makes him forget what Yue and Cerberus told him years ago about spacetime travel), fathers himself, Kuei is born, Kuei abdicates the throne, Kuei travels to another Universe, Kuei renames himself Clow Reed, Clow Reed (aka Kuei) gets bored one day, Clow Reed (aka Kuei) travels back in time to the Avatar Universe, Clow Reed (aka Kuei) fathers Kuei (aka Clow Reed), therefore fathering himself; Kuei (aka Clow Reed) is born, Kuei (aka Clow Reed) abdicates the throne, Kuei (aka Clow Reed) travels to another universe and renames himself Clow Reed, Clow Reed (aka Kuei) gets bored one day and travels back in time to the Avatar Universe... Why haven't the consequences of the grandfather paradox kicked in? Because of Koh. Koh's effect on the spacetime continuum not only causes travel through space, but also travel through time. And thus, this is the explanation of the Kuei/Clow Reed duality. And why was he ordered by Momo to do this? Because Momo foresaw Azula's eventual capture of Ba Sing Se, and he needed the monarch of Ba Sing Se to have his delta brain wave missing (which Koh makes it happen in lieu of the expected result of Kuei/Clow Reed vanishing out of existence), thus making him into an adorably naive dork who wouldn't see anything wrong with revealing state secrets to three women he just met.

Long Feng? Yes, he got some loving. But he never passed down his genes through Ursa. He had a Joo Dee on the side anyway.
« Last Edit: Apr 10, 2007 02:38 pm by SMBH » Logged


ATLA Keeps: Kuei's necklace, Pandalilies, Zhaodburns, Sokka's DoBS speech
TLOK Keeps: Sparkly bush, Aang's statue, Korrlok, Asami's racetrack
wainwright-chan
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hrrrgh!


« Reply #30 on: Apr 10, 2007 07:30 pm »

XD

man I love this thread

Another crack theory:
Azula is carrying Long Feng's child *rawr*

Okay...I'll admit it...that was wrong
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umeko
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Diet Otaku, you are indeed brilliant :)


« Reply #31 on: Apr 10, 2007 08:17 pm »

Or better yet, Long Feng is carrying Azula's child Grin
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SMBH
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« Reply #32 on: Apr 10, 2007 08:21 pm »

Or better yet, Long Feng is carrying Azula's child Grin
HAHAHAHAHHAHA!!!! Well, you know, a while ago I vaguely remember that there was something in the news about some biologists that were working on uterus transplants, with the possibility of men getting one, thus being able to get pregnant... Maybe Long Feng could be the test subject of that new procedure? Tongue
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ATLA Keeps: Kuei's necklace, Pandalilies, Zhaodburns, Sokka's DoBS speech
TLOK Keeps: Sparkly bush, Aang's statue, Korrlok, Asami's racetrack
avatarangel22
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« Reply #33 on: Apr 10, 2007 08:22 pm »

i ehard a theory that Aang became gay.


0_o......  awkward....
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Shredder
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« Reply #34 on: Apr 10, 2007 08:24 pm »

I have a theory that Momo is the REAL villan!!!
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dragonofthewest
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« Reply #35 on: Apr 10, 2007 08:35 pm »

^SMBH beat you to it, Beavis.   Grin
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Master_Waterbender15
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« Reply #36 on: Apr 10, 2007 09:02 pm »

My brilliant and obviously true crack theory- Iroh has been married to both Lo, one of those old ladies we saw on Azula's ship, but was secretly cheating on her with his lover, Li, the other old lady, but on the side of all this he was having an affair with Aunt Wu, and ocasionally meeting the Herbalist from The Blue Spirit episode.

Basically Iroh gets around.  He's popular among the ladies.  Yeah you can so tell he's pimpin'.
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Kaiser Avatar
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« Reply #37 on: Apr 10, 2007 09:26 pm »

Ursa is Zuko and Azula's daughter..........there was a time warmp thingy involved.
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Memento Mori
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« Reply #38 on: Apr 10, 2007 09:27 pm »

KATARA WILL DIE!!!

If you can recall, Sokka kissed her on the cheek in TEK(The Earth King).
And I'm sure everyone here knows what happens to those who come in contact with Sokka like that...

(I'm just thankful it was Suki who saved Toph instead of him. Otherwise they'd both be doomed.)

« Last Edit: Apr 10, 2007 09:28 pm by Memento Mori » Logged

Shizuma
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Kataang + Maiko = OT4


« Reply #39 on: Apr 11, 2007 12:07 am »

"The Seige of the North" parts one and two sync up perfectly with Pink Floyd's "Dark Side of the Moon" album. Don't believe me? Play them both at the same time and see for yourself.

I haven't tried it yet, but I'm quite confident that my theory is correct. XD
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SMBH
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« Reply #40 on: Apr 11, 2007 12:43 am »

My brilliant and obviously true crack theory- Iroh has been married to both Lo, one of those old ladies we saw on Azula's ship, but was secretly cheating on her with his lover, Li, the other old lady, but on the side of all this he was having an affair with Aunt Wu, and ocasionally meeting the Herbalist from The Blue Spirit episode.

Basically Iroh gets around.  He's popular among the ladies.  Yeah you can so tell he's pimpin'.
So THAT's how Sokka learned to be a ladiesman. Makes perfect sense! Cheesy


"The Seige of the North" parts one and two sync up perfectly with Pink Floyd's "Dark Side of the Moon" album. Don't believe me? Play them both at the same time and see for yourself.
It also syncs up with "The Wizard of Oz" due to the transitive property. And if you play it backwards, you can hear Ozzy Osbourne saying "Eat a turtleduck".


Ursa is Zuko and Azula's daughter..........there was a time warmp thingy involved.
And with this, another grandfathermother paradox is involved. Not only is Kuei his own father, but also Ursa is her own grandmother!! Shocked



Hmm... Has anyone noticed that *many* of the crack theories revolve around Ursa? Could it be because we're so starved for information about her that we're delusional already? I would say so Tongue
« Last Edit: Apr 11, 2007 12:47 am by SMBH » Logged


ATLA Keeps: Kuei's necklace, Pandalilies, Zhaodburns, Sokka's DoBS speech
TLOK Keeps: Sparkly bush, Aang's statue, Korrlok, Asami's racetrack
Shizuma
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« Reply #41 on: Apr 11, 2007 01:34 am »

"The Seige of the North" parts one and two sync up perfectly with Pink Floyd's "Dark Side of the Moon" album. Don't believe me? Play them both at the same time and see for yourself.
It also syncs up with "The Wizard of Oz" due to the transitive property. And if you play it backwards, you can hear Ozzy Osbourne saying "Eat a turtleduck".
LMAO! Exactly! I'm so glad someone got that!

I actually got the idea the other day when I realized just how similar "The Seige of the North" and "The Wizard of Oz" are. Think about it:
Aang = Dorothy
Spirit World = Oz
Roku = Glenda
Koh = The Wizard/The Wicked Witch
Hei Bai, the Monkey Man, and the giant coyote = the Scarecrow, the Tin Man, and the Cowardly Lion

Coincidence? I think not! Grin
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Nandireya
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« Reply #42 on: Apr 11, 2007 01:51 am »

And now for something completely different...

Okay...many have speculated that Toph is destined to die because of the whole 'swamp vision' thing...but the real truth is that she will 'die' in the eyes of her friends by joining the Dark Side, because it just seems like so much more fun, forcing Zuko out of the 'Angels plus one' because he can't stand all their girl talk, innuendo, butt-pinching and leering ("I am not a piece of meat!")

With nowhere else to go, Zuko, who has hidden his brilliant musical talent for many years, becomes a travelling minstrel, eventually hooking up with Chong, Lily and the others.  Fortunately for them, Zuko can actually write wonderful songs AND carry a tune, and the troop becomes world renowned (and filthy rich), so much so that Fire Lord Ozai invites them to the royal palace for a private performance...where Ozai is so moved by his son's ability to make the whole world sing that he renounces his wicked ways and goes with them as the troop's roadie on their 'Rekindling the Peace, Man' tour...

Meanwhile, Aang, Katara and Sokka, heartbroken at Toph's betrayal, reach the Fire Nation only to find it filled with song, dancing and free love, man.  While Aang and Katara are understandably confused, but equally delighted, Sokka is all for destroying everything because he finds it all much more annoying.  He is surprised to find Azula is the only one that agrees with him and the two begin their own crusade against the source of their woe...Zuko!

But the pair are no match for the most powerful of musicbenders, especially considering he has everybody else on his side.  Knowing she cannot defeat the combined might of her entire family Azula concedes, and a new, more powerful, but totally peaceful, Fire Nation is born, led by the Sozin Family Singers...with the occasional guest appearance of the Avatar on the bison whistle and Katara on the tambourine.  Toph, Mai and Ty Lee join the group as back-up singers...very dangerous back-up singers...

Unable to cope in this new world of peace and new age music, Sokka retreats to the South Pole where he starts up a stand-up/restaurant that serves nothing but meat...with sarcasm...it is an unparalleled success.
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Maladin
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« Reply #43 on: Apr 11, 2007 01:55 am »

Quote
Aang = Dorothy
Spirit World = Oz
Roku = Glenda
Koh = The Wizard/The Wicked Witch
Hei Bai, the Monkey Man, and the giant coyote = the Scarecrow, the Tin Man, and the Cowardly Lion
Actually, I have a different cast for that, but then again it is post-SotN. Zukothy who just wants to go home, Tinula who needs a heart, Tyrecrow who needs a brain and the Awkwardly Mai who needs a hobby courage.

And I just want to say that the gAang reaching the Fire Nation only to discover it turned into another Christmas Town is priceless.
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Nandireya
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« Reply #44 on: Apr 11, 2007 01:57 am »

Would that make Iroh Toto?
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Shizuma
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« Reply #45 on: Apr 11, 2007 01:58 am »

@Nadireya: *claps* That's the most wicked awesome season three plot I've ever read! Forget the epic battle, I want to see THAT happen! Cheesy

@Maladin: OMG, that's a perfect cast! But who are the witches and who is the wizard? Iroh=Glenda, perhaps? ^_^
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Maladin
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« Reply #46 on: Apr 11, 2007 02:04 am »

Well, Iroh does fit more as Toto -and Zuko might even be glad he can only bark and not drown him in proverbs- than Glenda. She would be Ursa, I think. Maybe disguised so that Zuko does not go all Oedipus nostalgic on her.

As for the bad witches... Well, as Ozai's Angels are the only evil girls, I suppose we will have to hire crossdressers, who are so in since Mulan. The dead witch would of course be Zhao and the bad one Ozai.
And the magician behind the curtain? Momo, of course.
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Nandireya
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« Reply #47 on: Apr 11, 2007 02:18 am »

What about the gAang?  Munchkins or flying monkeys?
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AvatarFan33
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Momo is watching...and waiting...


« Reply #48 on: Apr 11, 2007 04:31 am »

Munchkins, and the Dai-Li will be the flying monkeys.

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Maladin
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« Reply #49 on: Apr 11, 2007 04:34 am »

You know how the gAang and Zuko were always in separate stories throughout the show? Well it happens here too. Momo disappeared, which cause Aang to drag his team along to search him. But Momo had in fact been transported to the universe of Oz (which he promptly took over) because of a dimension twist. Said dimension twist then had fun transporting the gAang into different universes.

At first, they landed in Neverland where Peter Paang, Tinker Bappa and the Darling Bei Fong family (Wentara, Jokka and Tophael) had to defeat the pirates, led by Captain Crook (from his real name Bleeding McHogmonkey) and his right-hand man Mr Squee, also known as 'Big Lips Guy". They could escape when Unagi scared the captain away when it tried to eat him.
After that, they took a trip to Jump City where Robaang, Katarfire, Bokka Boy, Appaborg and Ravoph faced against Trigozin. They eventually defeated him by senting a comet crashing in his teeth. His now free slave, Slade, heard them talking about how Trigozin was not fit to hold a candle to the Badass Queen Azula and decided to work on a dimensional portal to get her as his new apprentice as soon as the gAang left.
But, of course, this is only the b eginning of their quest to retrieve Momo...
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