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Author Topic: Rao Seng Pu Ting's Book 3: Fire [Chapter 3 COMPLETE 4/6/07] [Rated PG]  (Read 10451 times)
Rao Seng Pu Ting
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aka 'Rasputin': the Mad Monk discovered Buddhism!


« on: Mar 19, 2007 06:19 pm »

For those who can't wait, here's a wannabe writer's own imagining of a possible third season. No matter how hamfisted the descriptions, just try to imagine them as moving pictures...


Book 3: Fire...

Chapter 1: 'The Dead Boy': http://www.fanfiction.net/s/3336059/1/ (COMPLETE)

Chapter 2: 'The Fire Colony': http://www.fanfiction.net/s/3353291/1/ (COMPLETE)

Chapter 3: 'The God of Steel': http://www.fanfiction.net/s/3446589/1/ (COMPLETE)


The first two chapters have won the First Elemental Week Fan-Fiction contest run by pooldude's website 'Dongbufeng.net', accessible here:



Constructive criticism is very welcome.
« Last Edit: Jun 04, 2007 04:31 pm by Rao Seng Pu Ting » Logged

"When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be" - Lao Tzu

Fan-Fiction:

Rao Seng Pu Ting's Book 3: Fire.

His Dream Of Skyland. AU. The Far East, June 1940.
Avatar Mario
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Thanks, Diet Otaku


« Reply #1 on: Mar 19, 2007 09:38 pm »

You're really authentic, my fellow newb. Wink Copyrights, credits, the whole shabang!I've only read the first two stories so far, but everything is progressing exactly how I imangined it would. Not starting off with an action-packed Gaang sequence, bbut beginning with Zuko. Also, The time passed is good. How long has it been since Season 2 finale? The only thing I see out of character is Azula's acting a little too nice. 
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My fanfiction, Through Grey and Golden Eyes. \/
http://forums.avatarspirit.net/index.php?topic=13459.0
Rao Seng Pu Ting
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« Reply #2 on: Mar 20, 2007 04:14 am »

Also, The time passed is good. How long has it been since Season 2 finale? The only thing I see out of character is Azula's acting a little too nice. 

You'll see on the next page. Two weeks have passed since the end of season 2. And Azula's being nice is an act, I assure you. Smiley
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"When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be" - Lao Tzu

Fan-Fiction:

Rao Seng Pu Ting's Book 3: Fire.

His Dream Of Skyland. AU. The Far East, June 1940.
sofyh
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Alone in The Dark


« Reply #3 on: Mar 20, 2007 09:30 am »

I love you work. It's really interesting and I enjoying to read it.
So, keep going, I hope you continue soon.
Smiley
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umeko
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Diet Otaku, you are indeed brilliant :)


« Reply #4 on: Mar 20, 2007 06:58 pm »

I said this elsewhere, but I got hooked on your stories while I was sick in bed with a stomach bug Undecided

Now I'm going to be obsessively yelling at you to go update them. So...GO UPDATE! Grin
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Apparently I'm not a horrible writer Wink
Rao Seng Pu Ting
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aka 'Rasputin': the Mad Monk discovered Buddhism!


« Reply #5 on: Mar 25, 2007 11:22 am »

*UPDATE*

Chapter 3 'The God of Steel' - Part 3 'Qigong': http://www.fanfiction.net/s/3446589/3/
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"When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be" - Lao Tzu

Fan-Fiction:

Rao Seng Pu Ting's Book 3: Fire.

His Dream Of Skyland. AU. The Far East, June 1940.
Rao Seng Pu Ting
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Posts: 840

aka 'Rasputin': the Mad Monk discovered Buddhism!


« Reply #6 on: Mar 28, 2007 04:47 pm »

*UPDATE*

Chapter 3 'The God of Steel' - Part 4 'The Metal Age': http://www.fanfiction.net/s/3446589/4/
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"When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be" - Lao Tzu

Fan-Fiction:

Rao Seng Pu Ting's Book 3: Fire.

His Dream Of Skyland. AU. The Far East, June 1940.
Dreagon
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« Reply #7 on: Mar 30, 2007 08:05 am »

Aaaaah, Aang Zombiefied!!!

I never knew Katara was a Necromancer...
I just started reading and I love it. I can soo see this as the neew episodes! When I read I can actually imagine how it would look like. I just wonder how they would express the deep thoughts and emotions you write about (Which is on of the thing why I like it so much).

Please keep up the good work.
« Last Edit: Mar 30, 2007 01:57 pm by Dreagon » Logged
Rao Seng Pu Ting
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aka 'Rasputin': the Mad Monk discovered Buddhism!


« Reply #8 on: Apr 06, 2007 06:31 pm »

*UPDATE*

Chapter 3 'The God of Steel' - Part 5 'Shadow Puppet': http://www.fanfiction.net/s/3446589/5/

And about time too...

Thanks for the comment, Dreagon!
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"When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be" - Lao Tzu

Fan-Fiction:

Rao Seng Pu Ting's Book 3: Fire.

His Dream Of Skyland. AU. The Far East, June 1940.
Dreagon
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« Reply #9 on: Apr 07, 2007 05:29 am »

Your welcome, you deserve it Smiley
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Rao Seng Pu Ting
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aka 'Rasputin': the Mad Monk discovered Buddhism!


« Reply #10 on: Apr 17, 2007 03:25 pm »

*UPDATE*

Chapter 3 'The God of Steel' - Part 6 'Jingju Performance': http://www.fanfiction.net/s/3446589/6/

For those who are interested, 'Jingju' means 'Beijing Opera', which is an indication of how over-the-top this chapter is. [/self loathing]
« Last Edit: May 03, 2007 04:36 pm by Rao Seng Pu Ting » Logged

"When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be" - Lao Tzu

Fan-Fiction:

Rao Seng Pu Ting's Book 3: Fire.

His Dream Of Skyland. AU. The Far East, June 1940.
Darmani
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Maigano
« Reply #11 on: Apr 25, 2007 05:29 am »

Personal opinions mostly as this is very well written in general and covers alot of ground.

I am not inclined to go with Zuko having *any* justification on his decision especially with wrt Iroh somehow failing him (Iroh's only failure in my opinion was not being hard enough but then again its hard to say)  Especially as after providing food, shelter, and oppurtunity he throws it away on a delusion.  I get they can't just pair right back up but Zuko really doesn't have a leg to stand on there.  Opinion, personal doesn't effect quality and played well.

Azula, well you're doing a better job justifying why people fall over for her than the show has, that's for certain.  No major changes or "offness" in her character I'm seeing.

Long feng, lo how the mighty have fallen, nice he has something to do.

Iroh, not bad and okay.

Toph,  very much in character and appropriate. 

Katara, She's alot more frantic than previous but the reasons and ways given for that work.

Sokka, awesome.

Aang...hmm this is the big deal.  Aang's currently where Zuko was and...is well being something of Zuko himself if, as stated in the story, nicer about it, slightly.  Thing is the character change is prompted by alot of things so his current inability to rise to the challenge, with or without his powers (btw cool method of handling that not quite gratingly "okay no avatar state just so it doesn't wreck the story") is frustrating, even with the complicated scenario of Chapter 2.

The Dai Li and Fire Nation and badguys in general, okay I gotta say in your story the opposition just hellalot more competent by far why the characters are going to peices.  Yuung and his situation was the more intelligent and less anvilicous than many takes on the situation.  Weird how the gAang handled that.  Fong got some fleshing out but new guy who's name I don't recall right now seems pretty developed though I'm wondering how he'll last.  Mongke and the others...uhm hmm I'll withhold judgement but they have that blend of comedy and seriousness that makes them okay.

Mai, well the goth stabs make me smile and she hasn't done *nothing* just hoping gets something more.  Ty Lee though seems stuck on the egging Mai or crushing on Sokka gags  Even moreso than in the show.

Heh, the cool thing is Zuko really didn't fall for Azula's setup and he did it in a Zuko-ish way (being so conflicted he never really accepted it).  It seems strange everyone's forgotten about the weeks of banditry the Blue Spirit engaged in against the EK but remembers that one time he went against the Fire Nation.  I know selective memory but seems strange the BS isn't getting the mixed reception treatment.

Azula seems to still be in "I've got the plot on my side" mode from the season finale but as the only canon alternative is kungfu bot it works, just hoping another shoe drops (an entire bay for two years!)  This is a plot they wouldn't do on the show but also isn't out of character for it so I'm interested in how it goes.

Handled the Earth King well as well as build up with Teo and Aang (the next Airbenders) in the first chapter.

I guess things will go more on for the gaang once they get in the Fire Nation.  I just hope it won't be like much Zahn SW novels (here are plot/character developments that make main cast incompetent until the new stuff I introduce educates them and leads them to victory)

Neat and quick grasp of the Fire Nation and EK culture and ways to introduce that information without major exposition or many awkward conversations.  The bit in Chapter 2 was a little off (what does the gAang gain by letting people they suspect of brainwashing run around, especially as Katara and others have proven able to temporarily break it)

The bit with Chey and Jeong Jeong was just... awesome and great way to do things.  Wonder what Yangchen was up to that are affecting the ships.

Overall your chapters in your Book 3 seem more like the product of an hour long episode format than the usual halfhour of Avatar.  This means it has a similar but distinct but not too different pacing that's familar.  so we get to see and enjoy alot of elements and info that get squashed out of the episodes in one.

Just my thoughts disorganized as they are.
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Darmani promises not to use "CANON" if Zutarians don't use "DESTINY"
I want a Book Air, Avatar Pen and Paper RPG, and *good* near free-form action video game. I also want a pony.
Rao Seng Pu Ting
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aka 'Rasputin': the Mad Monk discovered Buddhism!


« Reply #12 on: May 03, 2007 04:36 pm »

*UPDATE*

Chapter 3 'The God of Steel' - Part 7 'Martial Law': http://www.fanfiction.net/s/3446589/7/

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Sorry it took so long to respond to your comments. I couldn't justify spending time on it when I was intentionally not spending time writing it to concentrate on my essay (now complete, thank the Sachihoko). Now I've got something with me...

Thanks, Darmani, for taking the time to read it all. It's a lot even to me at times. And I'm only on Chapter 3.  Undecided

What I wanted to get across with Zuko's decision was that whatever life he wanted to have, being a simple tea-shop assistant wasn't it. Now he's found out that being a palace pawn is no improvement, he's trying to find some sense of purpose. The one sense of purpose he had was trying to capture the Avatar. Since everyone thinks the Avatar is dead, this leaves Zuko looking a tad bit doolally to others, but one thing that's certain is that he's still in flux in many ways. And now he's alone, he's going to have to make those important decisions by himself. He will make a decision though. That's what much of this is leading up to.

And in writing Azula, she's upgraded herself to become probably my favourite character on the show. I just love taking her obsession with 'perfection' and taking it as far as it can go. That is also what much of this is leading up to.

Long Feng...I wanted to give the guy something to do, as a well-educated 'fish out of water' I'm kind of using him as an impartial observer to the Fire Nation in general and Azula in particular.

Iroh...I admit I haven't portrayed the character nearly as well as I'd like to. There's been little opportunity thus far, but hopefully this will change.

Toph is awesome, yes, and she's fun to write too.

Katara...I'm trying to get across a troubled wariness with entering the Fire Nation, since Zuko's betrayal has stirred up a few uncomfortable memories for her. But she's dealing...kinda...

Sokka is also awesome, I agree.

And Aang...well in this last part he's definitely more 'Aangy' than usual, but right now his entire being is in massive flux, more even than Zuko's, and I do get the comparison. He's definitely pretty passive, but in many ways its a reflection of the scenarios I put him in, which are pretty overboard. I'd like to get him back to being able to take part and fight, but his 'graduation' to being able to will be a big thing in coming chapters. Real emotional coming-of-age stuff.

'Ging Hong' is the name of the General...and one of my friends from school.  Grin And yeah, I don't like painting bad guys as idiots, but this comments made me look back over my stuff and notice how badly the 'heroes' are doing in the intelligence stakes. It's something I might try to rectify, but if it's any excuse they are only kids.  Undecided

Mai and Ty Lee...you're right, I haven't developed them much. Mai is fun to write, but Ty Lee I have trouble with. I just need to think 'ditzier'. I'm also stuck with trying to explain why they're still hanging around Azula...though 'because Azula said so' actually isn't that bad an excuse, considering. I might try to develop them more if I get the chance to depict them in their 'home environment'. I'd like to do that.

As for the Blue Spirit's 'Robin Hood' status in the EK, despite all the evidence to the contrary...I'm just going to have to chalk it down to myth and tall tales spreading around. In a war they're losing, such tales must be comfortable. Plus he might be popular amongst the plebs for stealing from the rich, even if he doesn't exactly engage in any 'equitable redistribution of wealth'. And I, unlike other people, like to think Zuko isn't totally thick, just horrendously confused.

And Azula's plot...ooooooh I've been having fun with this one. If you want a clue what 'Pingfang Bay' involves, just try typing 'Pingfang' into a search engine...and hope you have a strong stomach.

It's a shame the theory of Teo's Gliders being the next Airbenders turned out to be a bust.

And things, ironically enough, will go more smoothly for Team Avatar in the Fire Nation (no hotshot Earth Kingdom soldiers in hot pursuit, no mentally unbalanced insurgents, no insane spirit creatures...kinda. I think settling into a 'normal existence' might just be weird for the BoomerAang Squad). And I'll attempt to avoid 'doing a Zahn'. Azula's enough of a Grand Admiral Thrawn on her own.

One thing I love is elaborating on the various cultures and customs, and their places in the world. It's important to me to keep that sense the series has where you really do believe the world exists beyond the page even if you don't pay attention to it. Stuff like Xizai the Mad, the creation of the Yalujiang Strip and the history behind the Sachihoko. Chapter 2 was pretty heavy on the Israel/Palestine analogies, so I hope people picked up on that. As for the 'letting the brainwashed running around'...yeah, I didn't want to make the main characters completely clueless, but then they're aware of brainwashed people and too busy to care about them. My bad. Oof. I might change that if I felt inclined to rewrite this thing. Good catch.

And yes, this is definitely 'hour-long episode' stuff. I was pretty aware from the beginning that no half-hour episode would ever be capable of covering this much, but then it is a fan-fiction, I can make these things as all-encompassing as I desire. Chapter 3's starting to get practically 'TV movie' in scale, though.

And thank you thank you thank you times a million for taking the time to post your thoughts. This means a lot to me and I'm sorry it took so long for me to actually respond to it. Now...enjoy the new instaltment! Hope it's...all-right.
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"When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be" - Lao Tzu

Fan-Fiction:

Rao Seng Pu Ting's Book 3: Fire.

His Dream Of Skyland. AU. The Far East, June 1940.
Polychrome
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« Reply #13 on: May 03, 2007 11:33 pm »

Well, about freakin' time. Good work as usual. But then again, I'm just happy to see a Book 3 fic that isn't just an avenue to introduce an extra sappy dose of Zuko/Katara. (Please correct me if I'm wrong on that point. Heh.)
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Vig0r
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-Epicurus.


« Reply #14 on: May 08, 2007 04:08 am »

I've been reading your work for quite some time now, and I have to say, it has become my favorite Avatar fanfic out there. Which is saying a lot, considering there's so much competition.

I especially like your work with characters and the dialogues that come with it. Especially the new characters you introduced. You describe them with much flavour and style, clearly enough to fit in smoothly with the already excisting cast. Dont be afraid to jam in even more home-made characters. I really liked the Fire Nation cloth-shop-lady (her name is a bit foggy...)

The most amazing thing is the way you handled Aang's character. It is if somehow you read my mind here; your fan fiction almost has the excact same vision on Aang's charcter development as my brain waves. The inner struggle between responsiblity as a cosmic-super enity and his own childish nature are what keeps me hooked to the AT:LA series, and your fan faction. Consider this an extrordinary compliment ^^.


However, I do have some friendly critisism. Its something you probably already have read on your reviews: the pace is really off from time to time. You really have to be carefull with packing to much events into a small period of time. I especially disliked the mess at the Earth Resistasnce camp. During the invasion, there was just to much going on there. It might have been easier to read if the freedom fighters got a bit less attnetion there.

I'm starting to feel the same is happening in the "God of Steel" chapter. I really liked the characters you introduced in the engine room, but dont make the same mistake by dragging to much events into a short period of time. I personally hope those mean water spirit thingies are going to be cleared up quickly.

Overall I really love the work you did so far, and I do hope you carry on. It makes the wait for season 3 a lot more doable for me. And I already know that I will secretly compare it to your fan fiction, because I do think you foreshadowed quite a lot in there.

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Don't fear god,
Don't worry about death;
What is good is easy to get, and
What is terrible is easy to endure.
Rao Seng Pu Ting
Never Gonna Give Yue Up

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Posts: 840

aka 'Rasputin': the Mad Monk discovered Buddhism!


« Reply #15 on: May 08, 2007 04:48 am »

Wow...that is a complement. To compare my stuff to the show itself...I'm not sure my stuff is that good. But thanks all the same for the encouragement.

As for the pacing...that may be a consequence of how long these stories are. I start off with a fun and interesting idea, but as it drags on, even though I've managed to get readers, it kind of stops being fun and starts becoming an obligation. So I end up hurrying things along just to get it over with. I'm trying to be a little more organised with 'God of Steel', breaking the action into bitesize chunks and providing something of a build-up. A crunch might be hard to avoid.

And the fabric-shop lady is Madame Norigae. I named her after a traditional Korean clothing style. That's kind of my naming method, searching around on Google for some word from Eastern and Southern Asia that most fits the character. I'm happy with her character. Just a shame about what happened to her. Of course, that's part of what I'm doing, humanising the Fire Nation as something more than Old Man Hotako's stereotype of a land of fire, brimstone, flesh-eating oni and women of ill-repute. Smiley

And Aang...Aang is hard to write, seriously. And of course I start off this story by immediately making him even harder to write. On top of that, I feel that I'm neglecting Momo more than I should be. I'm no good with animal characters. Still, must soldier on. Some good stuff's coming up. Smiley
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"When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be" - Lao Tzu

Fan-Fiction:

Rao Seng Pu Ting's Book 3: Fire.

His Dream Of Skyland. AU. The Far East, June 1940.
Vig0r
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-Epicurus.


« Reply #16 on: May 08, 2007 08:37 am »

And the fabric-shop lady is Madame Norigae. I named her after a traditional Korean clothing style. That's kind of my naming method, searching around on Google for some word from Eastern and Southern Asia that most fits the character. I'm happy with her character. Just a shame about what happened to her. Of course, that's part of what I'm doing, humanising the Fire Nation as something more than Old Man Hotako's stereotype of a land of fire, brimstone, flesh-eating oni and women of ill-repute. Smiley

That's excactly why I compare it to the original series. Its more than likely that they will do excactly the same, in the excact same way: introducing lovable and sympathic characters our heroes can relate with. Yourse is one of the few fanfics I've seen incorperating this, if not the only one.

Anyways, I'm a big fan of character based writing, except if focus is put to much on the character's exteriour. Eye movement is a big example: I dont want to read every single time an eye closes or when an eye scours into a different direction.

Keep up the good work, I'm hungry.
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Don't fear god,
Don't worry about death;
What is good is easy to get, and
What is terrible is easy to endure.
Rao Seng Pu Ting
Never Gonna Give Yue Up

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Posts: 840

aka 'Rasputin': the Mad Monk discovered Buddhism!


« Reply #17 on: May 08, 2007 05:01 pm »

Keep up the good work, I'm hungry.

Then you shall FEEEEEEED!

------------------------------------------

*UPDATE*

Chapter 3 'The God of Steel' - Part 8 'Jiang Shi': http://www.fanfiction.net/s/3446589/8/
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"When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be" - Lao Tzu

Fan-Fiction:

Rao Seng Pu Ting's Book 3: Fire.

His Dream Of Skyland. AU. The Far East, June 1940.
Vig0r
Never Gonna Give Yue Up

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Posts: 1413

-Epicurus.


« Reply #18 on: May 09, 2007 03:55 am »

This pleases me.

I just loved the (rather big) scene with Toph there. I've always liked her character and fighting style, and the way she incorperated metalbending was just plain brutal. Momo helping her out was a very nice touch. Overall, has to be one of my favorite chapters yet, and I dont usually dig action that much.
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Don't fear god,
Don't worry about death;
What is good is easy to get, and
What is terrible is easy to endure.
Rao Seng Pu Ting
Never Gonna Give Yue Up

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Posts: 840

aka 'Rasputin': the Mad Monk discovered Buddhism!


« Reply #19 on: May 15, 2007 12:57 pm »

*UPDATE*

Chapter 3 'The God of Steel' - Part 9 'The Ascent of Man': http://www.fanfiction.net/s/3446589/9/

-----------------------------

This one's a little heavy on cod-philosophy, but hopefully the character interactions are a little fun.
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"When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be" - Lao Tzu

Fan-Fiction:

Rao Seng Pu Ting's Book 3: Fire.

His Dream Of Skyland. AU. The Far East, June 1940.
Vig0r
Never Gonna Give Yue Up

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-Epicurus.


« Reply #20 on: May 15, 2007 02:06 pm »

Updates! Updates! Updates! *Does a happy dance*

As much as I rebelled to the much detail you put into the storyline and how long you've been dragging this ship around, I cant deny that I really enjoyed this chapter a lot. I can tell you are into philosophy, its a very interesting read.

How about desert?
« Last Edit: May 16, 2007 02:18 am by Vig0r » Logged

Don't fear god,
Don't worry about death;
What is good is easy to get, and
What is terrible is easy to endure.
Rao Seng Pu Ting
Never Gonna Give Yue Up

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Posts: 840

aka 'Rasputin': the Mad Monk discovered Buddhism!


« Reply #21 on: May 20, 2007 04:16 pm »

*UPDATE*

Chapter 3 'The God of Steel' - Part 10 'Obselescence': http://www.fanfiction.net/s/3446589/10/

------------------------------------------------------------

Not that much more to go! Honest!
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"When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be" - Lao Tzu

Fan-Fiction:

Rao Seng Pu Ting's Book 3: Fire.

His Dream Of Skyland. AU. The Far East, June 1940.
Vig0r
Never Gonna Give Yue Up

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Posts: 1413

-Epicurus.


« Reply #22 on: May 21, 2007 12:35 pm »

Every update is a treat <3
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Don't fear god,
Don't worry about death;
What is good is easy to get, and
What is terrible is easy to endure.
Rao Seng Pu Ting
Never Gonna Give Yue Up

Offline Offline

Posts: 840

aka 'Rasputin': the Mad Monk discovered Buddhism!


« Reply #23 on: May 27, 2007 02:32 pm »

*UPDATE*

Chapter 3 'The God of Steel' - Part 11 'Zhi Ze': http://www.fanfiction.net/s/3446589/11/

---------------------------------

It's a marathon. Not a sprint. Like heck is it a sprint...*drags self upright*
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"When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be" - Lao Tzu

Fan-Fiction:

Rao Seng Pu Ting's Book 3: Fire.

His Dream Of Skyland. AU. The Far East, June 1940.
Vig0r
Never Gonna Give Yue Up

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Posts: 1413

-Epicurus.


« Reply #24 on: May 28, 2007 09:36 am »

Keep the metaphores to the actually writing :p.

Anyways, very enjoyable as alawys. And not without the tight cliffhanger I see. Oh well, I smell something to look forward to.
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Don't fear god,
Don't worry about death;
What is good is easy to get, and
What is terrible is easy to endure.
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