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Author Topic: The Legend of Korra, book 5 : Koolest Konquest (PG-13)  (Read 1400 times)
Solid Sun
Never Gonna Give Yue Up

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dio did nothing wrong

« on: Nov 14, 2015 10:15 am »

what happens when im bored, hehe. I'll keep it light, it's just a parody, enjoy !


It was a dark, and somewhat stormy night, one that did not fit with the festivities that happened mere hours ago : the marriage between the eccentric inventor Varrick (Or Iknik Blackstone Varrick but nobody bothered to even remember "Blackstone") and Zhu Li Moon, a somewhat easier name.

The marriage was over for quite a moment though, since Varrick sent infos to everyone, and this narrator means EVERYONE, many of the guests here didn't know who the hell Varrick even was, some were just there because people thought that it was a "fiesta" and it soon became clear that most of the guests drank a lot and walked their way in or something, although there was surprisingly little chaos, apart from the occasional confused person seeing a celebrity or something.

After all, the delicious "Varrizhucakes", in spite of their impossible names, were as addictive as nicotine, although it wasn't surprising since most of the bakers, by laziness, stupidity or confusion (having been told to do the thing) shoved some addictive products in bread, puts on some sugar and chocolate, baked it and promptly fled soon afterwards. One could've been disappointed to see a line of guests (commoners or celebrities, such as Raiko, Korra, Tenzin and Wu) eating the Varrizhucakes with reckless abandon, fighting for crumbs of it and asking for more of it, but whatever, it was a good wedding overall, even if the rain ended it a bit early.

The rain and also a hidden weakness in the Varrizhucakes, said weakness being the reason beyond the presence of a creepy air bending monk in the hallway, having just exited the toilets. The monk made a point to remember the path leading to it, just in case, and soon began to walk in the dark corridors, it would've been creepy if it wasn't for all the young air benders partying in a room, or the snoring of some other air benders or some others having their own moment of weakness and other factors, the monk never cared much about such things but he knew that some of the temple's residents would probably get a lecture from Tenzin.

The creepy monk (let's call him Albert from this point on, poor dude has a name right ?) then went up the stairs, arriving in front of a room with childish drawing of fartbending and all, anyone with a sense of decency or self-preservation would perhaps flee upon seeing such an entrance but Albert did not care, and he soon opened the door to witness the asleep Meelo, or, as he knew, the "pretended to be asleep Meelo", as Albert closed the door and made some movements, using his unique sound bending skill to prevent anyone from hearing.

"Lord Meelo." said Albert, his hoarse voice being loud enough to wake up the child who leaped from his bed with a fart, prepared to make some bizarre movements and words before realizing who was speaking, with the young boy soon dropping the act to adopt a somewhat straighter stance, before talking in an equally hoarse voice.

"Albert, my best disciple. You still has that bad habit of sneaking up into people's room, I see."

"Forgive me for my trait, Lord Meelo, but I need to inform you that Kuvira has failed, the remnants of the Earth Empire let themselves conquered without much resistance."

"Such weaklings, I'll have to visit Kuvira, this fool will pay for baby-sitting her troops like that !"

"The Avatar has gone off into the spirit world though, you may wish to take action now, Lord Meelo, as you know, the Avatar is tenacious and tenacious people never lose in cartoons."

"Hum, yes, I've spent too much times using my disciples for my tasks. Amon, Unalaq, Tarrlok, the Red Lotus, Vaatu, all of these incompetent fools failed !"

"Sir, how can you be the master of a spirit stuck in a tree ?"

"You under-estimate me, Albert. I'll let you live for this one though... anyway, why is the Avatar off in the spirit world ?"

"She seemingly went there to spend some "time" with Asami."

"You've got pictures ?"



Meelo raise his fist in anger but soon, an hideous smile crept upon the face of the young airbender as he realized that, without Korra, invading the world would be naught but an easy task, although Korra's presence would've just made things a bit more "fun", to say the least, only the Avatar State can come close to the beauty and raw savagery of fartbending after all, and he yearned for a good fight, putting himself down to the level of his useless sites tired him.

"I shall launch my operation "Koolest Konquest" tomorrow, Albert." declared Meelo. "In one day, 80% of the world will be ours, and by the next day, it'll be 100% ! No one will be able to stop us and we'll wait for Korra with an army !"

"Koolest Konquest ?"

"Yes, what's wrong with it ?"

"If names could injure, we'd all be dead, sir."

"Goddamit Albert, I'm paying you to act, not to wisecrack ! Now go tell to my second-in-command about the operation, I want him to be ready !"

"Both of us could already take on this temple in a minute, sir, and spent the rest of the day invading the Fire Nation."

"No, we'll take over the republic, he'll take over the Fire Nation by himself, I've teached him the hidden pleasures and powers of fartbending." says Meelo, with Albert frowning at the thought of such hidden powers. "Not even Fire Lord Izumi will be able to share a room with him for more than 5 seconds, she'll have to give-up !"

"A devious cunning !"

"Yeah yeah."

Meelo dismissed his disciple, who bowed and proceeded to leave the room and soon began to head into the cave with haste. Fear soon began to germ in his heart, however, after all, he who lived in the cave was Evil Incarnate, a mass of malevolence that came second to naught but Meelo and the Avatar in terms of powers, bravely reaching for two small objects to put in his hair, Albert pried for all the gods he knew and went into the cave. He was afraid but he knew that Meelo would kill him if he failed an order.

Soon, Kai's cage was reached.

"L-lord Kai." says Albert, bowing deep enough to put his head on the ground and make it pop out of the ceiling after some time "I've come to announce that the operation Koolest Konquest began."

Kai laughed in his cage, a deep, roaring laughter that'd send chills down the spines of any beings with or without a soul, but Albert failed to use his sound bending, being too terrified, and also aware that maniac laughters were common in the cave.

"Hahahaha... a Konquest ? I see that the Lord finally decided to take actions... my thirst for blood shall be quenched !"

The last time he said that, horrified members of the Earth Kingdom later found a village entirely burned to the ground, with nothing but the skeletons of victims and ruins, notably, the skeletons themselves were screaming, implying an horrible attack, nobody managed to link it to Kai though, because no one imagined that such barbaries could be committed by a sentient being, especially not a little douchebag like him.

"You must conquer the Fire Nation, Lord Kai."

"Haha, the Fire Lord would probably last a bit more than five seconds against me then, this'll be pretty interesting !"

"But please, leave some alive, we need an army and one can't kill the population of an entire country !"

Kai, again, laughed, and destroyed the cage, standing up to his full height.

"I'll be heading at the Fire Nation... tomorrow, at 6 A.M, I'll begin the carnage, be ready !" said the demonic douchebag as he jumped, piercing trough the roof and heading at the nation with sub-relativistic speed.

Albert merely pried, again, wishing for his immortal soul that Kai would spare some people of the glorious Fire Nation.

Featuring : Polaris, Zyrax HikaruIzumi, Blue Warpath, Prophet of Doom, Weegee the Airbender, TyLuko4Ever, Johan, Riptide, SunxFire and AtoMaki : D
Never Gonna Give Yue Up

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Posts: 3708


« Reply #1 on: Nov 14, 2015 12:11 pm »

This was surprisingly entertaining. Smiley

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